14 Years

It doesn’t seem possible but Jan 1 was the Von B’s 14 year anniversary. I also realized that Vivian has been a part of our lives for half of that time. That especially does not seem possible. After 14 years there is nothing I would change. Okay that isn’t true. If there was one thing I wish I could change that would be meeting Jeff 10 years earlier, however one can not change the past. All one can do is learn from it.

As much as my past as taught me, the 14 years I have been with Jeff as taught me even more. I think the most important thing I have learn is how to love not just Jeff and Vivian but myself. It still surprises me that Jeff can deal with me especially the me I was 14 years ago. When we met 14 years ago I was a mess and if I have to be 100 % honest I’m still a mess just to a lesser degree. Loving myself is something I never was able to do with my ex, and is still difficult for me to do. There are many times I don’t feel I deserve Jeff. I would have to say the majority of the fights, disagreements, what ever one wants to call them, is because I feel Jeff deserves much better than me. You see Jeff has the biggest heart of any person I have known and that is something very difficult for me to handle sometimes. However I can happily say that Jeff has taught me how to open my heart up to not just others but myself and for that I am extremely thankful.

Jeff has also taught me what it is to be supported. Before Jeff, I only knew how to support some one else. I had no idea what it felt like to be supported. That is something Jeff always does for me. At 46 years old I’m still trying to figure what I want to be when “I grow up” and Jeff is always there supporting me through what ever “phase” I may be going through. Along with that Jeff allows me to vent and more importantly calls me out on my bullshit, and trust me that is something I need quite often.

Jeff and I aren’t perfect and we know that, but I would say we are perfect together. I say that because I really don’t think there are any other people on this earth that could deal with either of us and honestly we are both okay with that. We push each other to be the best we can and we are always there for one another, even  through the difficult times. I think that is the must important think I learned being with Jeff, relationships are not fairy tales, they are not what you see in the movies, or on television, or what is posted on Facebook. Relationships especially good relationships are work. There are times mistakes will be made, or you’ll take each other for granted or even times you make think the grass could be greener on the other side. For me though none of that is stronger than the love I have for Jeff and life we have built together. He truly is my soulmate, my husband, my best friend, the person I want to grow old with.

Jeff thank you for an amazing 14 years and I can’t wait to spend another 14, 28, 42 with you.