I understand that everyone has a past. Too often I let my ghosts of yesterday haunt my tomorrows. Vivian is always telling me I need to relax and learn to enjoy life and I know she is 100 % right. Yes Vivian you have it in writing once again. And if I ever doubted Vivian, which I never did, I received confirmation of it yesterday when I friend told me I have become unapproachable over the last year and half.
I know this is all true. A lot of this has to deal with the treatment I received from my ex over the ten years together. Yes I have not been with that ass for over 8 years now, however emotional abuse takes its toll on an individual and is not easily washed away. When ever some thing negative happens those old feelings start to creep up again. It is a constant battle against them and sometimes I loose.
The other part of it is I worry about EVERYTHING. There is Vivian, Vivian’s bookings (or lack of bookings), the house, Fresh Meat Softball, our boys, my mom, my sister, the Jedi, money, not to mention all the politics involved with everything we do. There are just times I get so overwhelmed and I just can’t deal anymore.
The only times I am at peace are when I’m alone with Vivian, baking and mixing Viv’s song. But unfortunately I can’t do those 3 things all time. OH how I would love to. 😉
I also loose focus on the positives in my life and begin focus on the negatives when those ghosts appear. It just seems to be easier to let the negative wash over me instead of fighting it.
Well no more I tell you life is way too short and I want to enjoy it to its fulliest. For those of you I have been unapproachable to, my apologies, I allowed myself to wallow in self pity.
To Vivian, here’s to our future. As I always say you are the BEST thing that has ever happened to me. I am sorry that I let those ghosts haunt us so often, with your help I know I can exorcise them from our lives.